Sunday, November 14, 2010

Hazards of the job

You may or may not know but I am a dispatcher for the local Sheriff's Department here.  I hold the coveted title of "senior dispatcher."  No there is no glory or even raise with this title it just means that I've put up with the crap longer than the other dispatchers and so I get the good shift.  We are out here in pretty rural and we have over 900 square miles of county that we cover.  In this county I not only dispatch for the deputies but for 3 small towns with their PD's, EMS & Fire Dept and 2 other even smaller fire departments.  

You may have noticed the picture I posted..."Warning Dispatcher with Attitude."  Well I'm certain that was made for me.  I hold the blue ribbon when it comes to "Dispatcher with Attitude."  Why?  I'll tell you why...there is more stupid in this world than most people realize.  Now I know you say "Oh I know there is lots of stupid people out there" and yes you are right but unless you work in law enforcement you have no idea to what extent!  If more people knew exactly what went on or who these people were and what they did their would be more state mental hospitals out there than prisons.   I'm sure you've hear the saying "stupidity isn't a crime so you're free to go."  It's true.

So yes I have a attitude.  There is only so much stupid one person can take and honey most days I'm at my limit so I thought I would list a few examples for you:

Case #1 - I get a call from one of the small towns in our county.  Its from the local convenience stores there.  The clerk is all frantic because they have a chicken who is causing them problems.  You see this chicken is walking around by the front doors and when someone walks in the store the chicken follows in behind them and goes in the store.  Once in the store the chicken freaks out and starts going crazy jumping around and knocking the stuff off the shelves and stuff is flying all over the place.  Then the clerks get it out of the store and just as soon as someone walks in here comes the chicken again!  So they want me to send a officer over there.  

Ok now let me ask you....when you go to school to become a police officer do you think they have a part of class to teach you how to deal with a crazy chicken?!?!  I can tell you no where in the penal code is there anything about that.  So I tell the clerk there is nothing an officer can do about it so they ask what can they do?  Well I tell them (as a joke) just kill it and put it in the fryer in there and serve fresh chicken!  The clerk says "ok" and hangs up the phone!  
I feel like Bill's your sign. 

Case #2 - I get a 9-1-1 call of a frantic woman (has to be a blonde) who is all upset about a deer who ran across the road during a section of road where there is road construction.  I try to get her to calm down and say "did you hit the deer with your car?"  She tells me "no."  I asked if anyone else hit the deer and again the answer is no.  So now I'm confused.  I ask her to tell me again what happened..."I'm driving through this road construction and this deer ran in front of me and I almost hit it."  So I'm like "Well what are you wanting me to do if you didn't hit and no one else did?"  I swear this is what she says "I want you to go out there and find the deer and tell it not to cross the road there because it's not safe!"  I had a pretty hard time at this point not to bust out laughing and told her we'd send an officer out there.  Bad deer!  Shame on you for crossing the road right there?!?!

Case #3 - This happened just a couple of weeks ago.  I get a 9-1-1 call from a lady who is all upset because her husband is in a lot of pain and needs an ambulance to where they are to take him to the next town to the ER.  So I'm like ok no big deal and ask where they are at.  Any guess?  They are at our local ER and she wants me to send an ambulance there to the waiting room to pick up her husband and drive him over a hour away to the next town because (are you ready for this).....they are not getting seen fast enough!  Needless to say we had a little chat that 9-1-1 was for EMERGENCY use only and sitting in the ER was not an emergency but abuse of 9-1-1.  I was just a little bit pissed when I hung up the phone.

Here are 3 examples of why I am the dispatcher with ATTITUDE!  I tend to have little patience for stupid and OMG there is more out there than you know.  Maybe another day I'll give you more examples.  

Please remember one thing.....9-1-1 is for EMERGENCY use only. 

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